


More Than Enough

by FizzyCustard



Series: Tumblr Fic Requests [3]
Category: The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Depression, F/M, Feeling unworthy, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, King Thorin, Mental Health Issues, Thorin's Queen - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-04
Updated: 2017-03-04
Packaged: 2018-09-28 08:02:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,378
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10080527
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FizzyCustard/pseuds/FizzyCustard
Summary: (Tumblr Fic Request for blog BuckyOakenshieldxo) You have been married to Thorin for two years, and slowly you have fallen into depression, feeling unworthy of Thorin's love and your position as Queen. But when Thorin notices how distant you are, it is apparent that you really are more than enough for him.





	

You had been married to Thorin now for almost two years, and whilst you smiled every day, wanting to present the facade that you were enjoying your life as his wife and Queen, a gaping hole was still sitting in your gut. The grey clouds of self doubt, sadness and feeling unworthy had descended again. These were the same clouds that had been ever present in your previous life where you had grown up, never feeling good enough for anything and never feeling as though you belonged. Your rational mind kept trying to regain control, telling you that all Thorin had done was make you feel welcome within the kingdom, helping you gain respect from the people of Erebor. And so far it seemed to have been successful. The people loved you, always smiling, bowing as you walked on by, your gowns sweeping past them. The Dwarf children would stand in awe. “Isn’t she beautiful, Mama?” the little ones would say. But you never felt beautiful. You felt as if your very presence in this place was forced. And those little Dwarf children were always a reminder of the disappointment you presented to Thorin: the fact you had not yet conceived an heir for him. It was expected that you as Queen, and he as King, would produce an heir to one day take the throne when Thorin was gone from this world.

The last few days and you had avoided contact with other people, residing in the huge libraries most of the time. Ori had been the only one who you had really spoken to as he had began cataloguing his writings in date order upon the shelves at the rear of the main library. He was proud of his work, having documented the re-taking of Erebor from Smaug and the victory at the Battle of Five Armies. You had seen the librarian shake his head as Ori had entered the huge hall each day, but smiled to yourself seeing him look so happy.

Tonight marked the two year anniversary of the victory at the Battle of Five Armies as it had been Durin’s Day two weeks prior. Everyone had enjoyed much merry making in the grand halls on the east side of the mountain. But you, as usual, had smiled, feeling as though you were breaking inside. Thorin had sat beside you, brushing his hand against your thigh at regular intervals, a constant reminder that he never liked to be away from you for long and just wanted to know you were close. You loved this Dwarf with your whole being, in its entirety, but that hate you had for yourself was pulling hard on your relationship with him. At night when he attempted to make love to you, and you pulled away, you would see the hurt in his eyes. He had only ever questioned it once, and you tried to cover your feelings by lying, telling him that the wound to your stomach that you had sustained in battle two years prior sometimes pained you. The lovemaking between you both had been amazing beyond words during the first few months of your marriage. Now, the pleasure had gradually dripped away, one drop at a time.

You sat in your bedchamber that afternoon, knowing that Thorin was overseeing the signing of new laws being passed. He had been too busy of late, it seemed, to enquire as to your whereabouts. You only saw him at night, and even then you were normally asleep before he returned. All you wanted was to feel whole again, to feel as though you belonged and were worthy of such a beautiful man. King or not, Thorin was the most honourable and loyal of men you had ever met. Everything he put his hand to was for the good of everyone else, never himself. Thorin deserved someone else; he deserved a woman who would give him an heir, who would be the emotional support he needed and be able to fully commit to being a ruler of the kingdom. Instead he had chosen you, and all you felt you were was a burden to him.

Tears slipped down your cheeks as you sat motionless, watching the shadows broaden on the wall. Your whole body felt as if it were void of any energy any motivation to move. All you could do was stare at the wall and let the emptiness consume you.

You had no idea how long you sat there until the wooden door to your chamber creaked open. Quickly you brushed the moisture away from your face with the back of your hand, sniffing away any sign that you had been crying.

Thorin looked at you, questions rising in his eyes and concern mounting on his face. “My love. What is it?” he asked, approaching you. “You think that I have not noticed your distance from me, but every day it has cut me deeper.”

You looked up at him, feeling those words gnaw into your stomach. But as your eyes met, you looked away.

He got down in front of you on his knees, taking your hands in his and then pressing them to his face and kissing them. He kissed across your knuckles and then held your hands against his cheek, closing his eyes as he did so. “How can I take this away from you?” he whispered.

Tears came again, dripping down your face, and then you felt the tightness in your chest. The breath escaped you in short bursts, becoming painful. “I don’t deserve you. You should look for someone who can be what you need and give you a child.” Uttering those words felt as if the whole world had crashed down onto your chest and stomach.

“I want my wife,” Thorin wept, his voice breaking. “I want our life together and our love as it once was. I do not base your value on whether you can conceive or not.” He looked up at you, his face a sign of his brokenness. Thorin placed his head in your lap. “You are worth everything I could ever give or do.”

You brushed your hands through his hair, cradling his head. “I love you, Thorin. But I don’t deserve this life. I don’t deserve anything. I’ll never be enough”

Thorin lifted his head and then took your hands in his. “You are more than enough for me. You are my One.” He kept his eyes on yours as he spoke and then he brushed his right hand against the braid in your hair. “Do you remember when I gave you this?”

“Yes,” you whispered, mentally recalling the day you pledged yourself to him and he you.

“I walked out of this mountain, preparing for war against Azog, and you had followed me through a great trial. The sickness made me speak words I will always regret, but never once did you walk away from me. Never once did you doubt me. And it was in those moments when I re-gained clarity of thought from the sickness that I knew you were my One. I had loved you for some time, but it was in those dark days that you proved to me your worthiness as a Queen, and your loyalty to me. Let me be with you through this trial of yours. If anyone is undeserving, it is me of you. Do you trust me?”

“With every breath, Thorin, you know I do,” you replied.

“Then trust my pledge to you. Trust that every word I speak is truth and that my heart will always be yours. Whatever you need, I will do everything in my power to see it given to you. But please know that you are more than enough for me. I just want you beside me and to give yourself to me freely as you once did.”

Hearing the words coming from him and to see him so broken because of your grief, all of it made something break inside. A locked chest had sprung open, releasing the emotions you had concealed now for months. You leaned down to him, kissing him. And for the first time in many weeks, you felt a shiver of pleasure race down your spine.


End file.
